I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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