why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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