You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
