PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
