id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will be naked everywhere
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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