Yo dont text me then not text me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
