My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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