my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
