I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
