my mouth tastes like poor choices
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
So. Much. Porn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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