Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
