dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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