it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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