Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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