Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
