Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
