I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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