You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
