just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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