All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
