I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nutella sex= disaster
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
