sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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