A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
