Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
