woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
