his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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