I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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Oh Jesus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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