But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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