I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
