How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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