Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
