so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
