i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
