I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
