Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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