I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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