i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
