thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
