If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
