Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
