Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
