he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
