He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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