So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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