i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
