just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think your dad took our porno
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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