I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
