they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
