The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
