I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ketchup is God's man juice
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
