Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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