This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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