i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just forgot I was standing up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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