some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
